My little thoughts...

All of a sudden, this thought came to me... Should i have made the decision to leave in July? Should i have not defer my studies? Maybe if i decided to leave earlier, such a thing would not happen.. Maybe if i decided to leave sooner, we would not be spending time trying to solve such a matter that should not have happened.. Or maybe, HISTORY IS REPEATING ITSELF, that i need to go through this again before i go overseas.. Can't i just have more happy moments before i freaking leave?

We started off as band mates together, then became classmates.. Over the years we got closer, then we kinda split, then we got closer again.. Now, our friendship is being put to the test.. I would have to say that all 3 of us has contributed to what has happened today.. During secondary school days, we were close, but often the two of you cannot go out till late and stuff as you girls have parents who are more strict than mine.. But i totally understand and accept that fact... Hence i usually spend my time out with the band guys... But still, we had many fun moments together be it in school, during lesson, during band or even out of school.. All the bubble tea moments, the days we would compete whose section is better, getting scolded by Mr DELIBERATELY and stuff... Yes, we were having the time of our life...

Then, we all moved on, you 3 went to JC, i was the only one in Poly.. We really drifted apart.. I do not know whether you 2 felt the same, but i felt so alone in this world for that period of time cause i simply LOST 3 of my best friends in a snap... I survived with this for more than a year, then i finally got closer to both of you again... Though close, we do not often meet up...

There are various times when i ask you all out, but due to all of your busy schedule, the plans never worked out.. Lisa, you were really busy with school and your jc besties.. Charity, you were really busy with school and church... That is totally understandable... But after planning and planning, then getting rejected and rejected, i had to admit i felt really sian of planning... If you girls noticed, when you girls plan to go out, i will ask you all to plan then tell me the details... Matter of fact, i was sick and tired of planning, and getting rejected...

But i learn to accept it, and have since moved on.. I KNOW that you girls are busy, so when we can't meet, it is normal, but when we really meet, it is a real joy to me... Before i left Shanghai, i am grateful for all the times you girls sacrificed to be with me... When i came back, you girls strated to be busy wit exams and after that we started to meet up again.. When i was very troubled and down, two of you came to me and gave me the support that i needed..

Charity, you are often busy with your church stuff since secondary school days.. Even though i am not a Christain, i respect your faith in God and the committment that you have.. Often, i would ask you two to go out, but you would have alot of commitments and at the end of the day, only left with lisa and i.. After a while, it became a known to me that you would be busy and i slowly, but UNKNOWINGLY started to forget to call you out as i felt that you would be busy with Church stuffs again... You are also very close to your church friends like Bernice, Rachel and more.. I remember you once told me that no matter how close we girls are, you always feel that they are closer to you.. *BAM* This hit me hard, but nothing wrong right? I mean, you have known them for such a long time, way before you knew Lisa or me, its natural for you to be closer than them... And there was this perios of time when we would plan when to go out and stuff, already confirmed... Then few days down, you would call or sms to say you are busy and stuff and in the end we kena pang seh.. Not once, nor twice, but a few times.. I will admit this pissed me off as i was looking so forward to meeting you all, but the plan has to be cancelled... Because we kena pang seh, only left Lisa and me, so just the two of us go out.. After a while, it became a habit unknowingly..

I am NOT trying to explain nor self-redeem.. I am asking ALL of us including myself to think about how we have contributed to the problem.. I am frustrated that things has turned out this way.. Lisa and I came today, wanting to settle it fast cause you told me before that you like to settle things fast... We called, knocked and waited, but i guess you were just too pissed to reply or call us back..

Whether or not this friendship is still important to you, its in your hands.. To me, it is VERY VERY important, too important that no words can express,.. I WANT to settle things fast, but do you? I have lowered my wall, to apologise and wanting to make an effort to change, would you give us the chance? Lisa and i have so much to say, but are you willing to listen?

I am pissed, yet upset at the same time.. I don't know how i am really feeling, but all i know is that, you, Charity, is not a BEST friend i want to lose.. NEVER.

Lisa, you too, a BEST friend that i would NEVER want to lose..

I CANNOT imagine if i ever lost any of you, can you?